back home

late at night, when it's just me & my thoughts, uninterrupted, it is inevitable that my thoughts occasionally turn to my grandmother.  i miss her.  her body gave out over 1 year ago.  and while i still feel her presence, i still ache.  there are times when all i want to do is run from the city and go back home.  but there is no more home left for me.  just a dilapidated, abandoned structure that once contained her.  of course, there are memories there, but they live in the walls, like secrets, too beautiful to be told.  and too painful for me to reflect on, still.  so, i remain in my motherless world & hope that some day i will find a home again.