i enjoy life, fairly sober

is it a sign that i am getting old when i have absolutely no interest in attending parties or partying, for that matter?
i used to be that person once, i know. whatever bash was going on, u would find me there. hell, i even threw some fairly big ones myself. 
or maybe it's just certain kinds of parties..where the goal is to be surrounded by people & get inebriated. i had enough of that in my teens & early 20's. where & when exactly did i stop enjoying that life? 
i suppose it was when i learned i could enjoy certain people sober. & these were the people i wanted to be around, mostly. humans can connect & form deep bonds during conversations we will remember the next day & perhaps the rest of our lives. i decided i didn't want to spoil the moments i could cherish with double vision. 
as cheesy as it sounds, i feel a sense of exhilaration akin to drunkenness when being around people i love...who challenge me to use my brain & the cells in it that i have remaining. now, this doesn't mean i have or will swear off a drink from time to time. but moderation, i think, is best for me...a wine tasting, a couple beers or cocktails with a close group of friends is more my speed. 
let's talk about the intangibles of the world, cultures different from ours, Descartes, poetry, classic literature, music that moves us & we don't even have to worry about getting our cars the next day!

last act

it's finalmente
the last one is leaving

or left 
years ago

effort exhausted
when none was spent

& these little girl dreams
lie in waste
i stare at them
scattered around my feet
in disbelief
at this stunning exit

careful, as i pick them up
fingers tremble
a quiet stillness before 

my body becomes engulfed
      in flames of rage
i wail, scream, choke, scratch, rip, & tear
pound this earth with my fists

music, alcohol, women, & work
always ahead of this liability

and now this...

farewell,
you fucking coward

a woman's heart

a woman's heart is one of the greatest of mysteries 
through the ages 

an enigma, 
elusive & complex

the feminine 
knows some things are better left secret

and so...
burdens are carried, tears quiet
in private, 
she suffers

keeping my secret

my heart peeks out
hoping it is safe
only to be shoved back in

forcefully,
violently

don't u remember how she makes u feel, darlin?

she waits...

breathe in the darkness 
& stand naked 
under this moonless night

tearing at
thorn n spike

the sounds,
guttural 
creeping in from the center 
        of gravity

the tastes
  all regurgitated
& bitter

just bide time
   for one solitary second 
       of solace

it took her

it took her,
pulling you in

to reach me
to close the gap
to feel my frightened heart

cornered

he's waiting in the wings
misty cloud
he moves
& before i can catch my breath
get my bearings,
he is there

seductive eyes 
pulling me in
until he has control again
control
over my feelings, body, emotions

one wrong move
one wrong choice
he has me trapped in his tangled web

i cannot breath
or make a sound
he got to me